You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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