12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
