You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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