So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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