I'm sorry my penis didn't work
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
