It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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