Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
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