We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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