writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
