my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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