I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
