i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
