My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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