I think I died a long time ago.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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