i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Come see our sink grown plant.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And then he peed in my hair
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