i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
