i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
