god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
