Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
