I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
