hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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