Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish my penis had an off switch
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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