sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
