I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
