i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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