Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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