My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
