Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
