His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
