I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize