i wish semen tasted like chocolate
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
