I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
