Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
