Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
