so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
