he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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