Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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