We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I could fuck to npr.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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