dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
