tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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