i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
