Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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