i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
