I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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