I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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