maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
