my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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