My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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