I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
