Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You're like the curious george of whores
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
