so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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