Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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