i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
