two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
