Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
