I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
