I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
