All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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