he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
