i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
