Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
