Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pooping to opera.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize