I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
