and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
