Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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