i was born a porn star she said
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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