How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
