Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
